Mindfulness

Paying attention

Mindfulness means paying attention to what we choose to focus on.  We can choose to be mindful of our bodies, our thoughts, our emotions, our environment - really, anything! 

Feeling in control of our attention is difficult at first. Before practicing mindfulness, we might spend a lot of time being “mindless.” When we are mindless, we might have difficulty concentrating, get lost in our thoughts, or feel disconnected. Being on “autopilot” is a good sign that we are not practicing mindfulness. We may be so used to multi-tasking that paying attention to just one thing at a time feels uncomfortable. Slowing down to practice mindfulness sometimes feels like pulling the emergency brake while driving on the freeway - we might not realize how fast we are moving until we take a step back. 

It is normal to struggle with holding our attention on one topic at a time. It can feel frustrating to think that we are “failing” at mindfulness by getting distracted over and over again. The good news is that every time we notice we have gotten distracted, we have practiced mindfulness. Getting distracted and refocusing our attention is the whole point! (That’s also why we call it practice!)

Present moment

When we practice mindfulness, we pay attention to what is happening right now. Our brains are wired to think about things that have happened in the past and try to guess what might happen in the future. This helps us learn from our mistakes and prepare for challenges in the future. It can also lead us to feeling depressed or anxious. 

Staying in the present can be hard for lots of reasons. When we are going through something painful we might feel a strong urge to “get it over with.” We mentally “check out” to avoid feeling sadness or anger or fear. On the other hand, when we are doing something that we really enjoy, we might try to hold on to that good feeling. Focusing on when the good feeling will end often spoils the moment. 

By focusing on what is happening in the present moment, we give our minds a rest. We allow ourselves to experience life simply as it is. 

Without judgment

Paying attention to the present moment might not be helpful if we are only looking for flaws. Imagine trying to find a perfect flower. We check the shape and color of every flower we find, looking for problems. At the end of the day, we did not find any perfect flowers (they don’t exist!). We succeeded at paying attention, but we did not appreciate the beauty of the garden because we were too focused on perfection.

Our brains are full of judgments. They come automatically. The more we judge, the easier it is to keep judging. Recognizing that we are having judgmental thoughts might be hard just because that feels like a normal way to think! Sometimes our judgments are labels that we put on ourselves or the things around us. We might label things as: “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,” “broken” or “whole,” even “healthy” and “unhealthy.” Sometimes we make judgments about how the world should work. 

When we remove judgments, we are left with just the facts. We are able to see ourselves and our world more clearly. And we are able to make better decisions about how we want to move forward.  

Practicing mindfulness can be helpful with improving our physical health, improving our mood, and deepening our sense of connection. Mindfulness has been shown to be helpful for anyone. Especially for those struggling with their emotional or mental health, such as people dealing with anxiety or depression.

Improving physical health

Over time, stress can damage our bodies. When we are stressed, our fight-or-flight system kicks in. Our breathing rate, heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension all increase. In short bursts, this is our body working the way it is supposed to. Over time, this can cause us problems. 

Mindfulness can help us slow down this fight-or-flight response. Many mindfulness practices do this by changing your body chemistry. For example, by changing your breathing or tensing and relaxing your muscles. When we change one part of the fight-or-flight response, the other parts tend to follow. When our breathing slows, our heart rate slows. When our muscles relax, the tightness in our chest fades. We are using the parts of our body that we can control, to change the parts of our body that we can’t control. 

We can also slow down the fight-or-flight response by changing what we are thinking. Often, our stress comes from our thoughts about our situation. We might not be in danger while socializing at a party, but if we think “Everyone here is out to get me!” then our bodies will probably go into emergency mode. Practicing non-judgment and refocusing our attention away from the worst-case scenario can give your body the “all clear” sign. That way, it slows down the fight-or-flight system on its own.

Improving mood

Mindfulness can change our mood by helping us to recognize what we are feeling. If we don’t know what we are feeling, it can be very difficult to figure out what to do. We might know that we feel “bad” but can’t quite figure out if we are sad, angry, or maybe just hungry. Mindfulness allows us to hear what our body is telling us about our emotions. Clenched fists and hot cheeks might tell us that we are angry. Heavy arms and stinging eyes might let us know that we are sad. If we know what we feel it becomes easier to help ourselves feel better. 

Mindfulness can also turn down the volume of thoughts that lead to anxiety or depression. As we go through life, we see things through a certain lens, like a pair of glasses. Some people wear rose-colored glasses, so everything they see looks pretty good! Other people wear darker-tinted glasses, so everything they see is more negative. The kind of glasses that we wear is based on the kind of judgments that we make. When we remove judgments, we take off our rose-colored or dark-tinted glasses and see things more clearly. Another way to see this is like a glass of water. Are we used to seeing the glass as half-full or half-empty? Mindfulness encourages us to see just a glass with half of the water it can hold. 

Deepening sense of connection

When we are on “autopilot,” it is easy to become disconnected from ourselves and others. 

There is a common saying: “No matter where you go, there you are.” We cannot escape being around ourselves, at least not for long. The better we get along with ourselves, the better off we are likely to be. Mindfulness of our bodies, thoughts, and emotions can help us to feel more connected with ourselves. The more time we spend getting to know ourselves (without judgment!), the more we understand why we think, feel, and do the things we do. 

The same applies to our relationships. We might be on “autopilot” with other people, going through the motions without really paying attention to our loved ones. Being present in our interactions can make a relationship stronger. It can also re-build a bridge after a disagreement. When we feel lonely, mindfulness can help us tap into a sense of connectedness with everything and everyone around us. 

There are many ways to be mindful of your body, here are three to get you started: Mindfulness of Breath, Paired Muscle Relaxation, and Mindful Movement.

Mindfulness of Breath

Practicing mindfulness of your breath is an excellent place to start if you are new to mindfulness. This practice is designed to help us focus our attention on how our bodies are feeling in the present moment and give our minds a rest from thinking so hard. Slowing our breathing down also helps to quiet the fight-or-flight system, allowing us to relax. 

You might notice that being mindful of our breath is also the first step of many of our other mindfulness practices. That is because settling down our fight-or-flight system is always helpful when practicing mindfulness. Also, having a consistent way to start mindfulness practice helps your body develop the “muscle memory” for mindfulness that makes it easier to get started as you practice more and more. 

You can practice mindful breathing for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again. You do not need to take deep breaths or try to slow your breathing. Just let your breath come and go at its natural rhythm. Keep doing this for as long as you would like before going on to the next step.
3. Place one hand over your belly button. Place your other hand on your chest, just underneath your collarbone. Continue to breathe at a natural pace. Pay attention to whether you are breathing from your chest or your belly - you might feel the difference in your hands or even open your eyes to watch which hand is moving. Keep doing this for as long as you would like before going on to the next step.
4. Try to change how your breath moves in your body.
   • First, try to move the hand on your chest as much as you can, using only your breath. Do this for a few breaths. You might need to take deeper breaths to do this.
   • Next, try to move the hand on your belly as much as you can, using only your breath. Do this for a few breaths. You might need to take deeper and slower breaths to do this.
   • Finally, combine the two. Each time you breathe in, try to move both hands as much as you can, using only your breath. Keep doing this for as long as you would like before going on to the next step.
5. Relax your hands back in your lap and let your breath come back to a normal pace. Pay attention to any changes that you notice in your breathing from when you started. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Options to add to this practice:

• To help follow the flow of the breath, some people like to imagine that there is a ping pong ball moving up and down their bodies with their breath. Other people like to imagine that their bodies are inflating and deflating like a balloon with their breath.
• To help the practice feel even more relaxing, some people like to think of the word “Relax” or “Calm” while breathing in and out.

Paired Muscle Relaxation

Paired Muscle Relaxation is a great way to build on the Mindfulness of Breath practice above. This practice is also designed to help us focus our attention on how our bodies are feeling in the present moment and give our minds a rest from thinking so hard. In addition to helping us focus on the flow of our breathing, this practice helps us pay attention to the muscle groups all throughout our bodies. 

By tensing our muscles, we are able to use the energy that may have built up from feeling angry or anxious in a way that will not cause us more problems. By releasing our muscles, we are teaching the muscles how to rest again. If you have an injury that might be hurt by tensing or releasing those muscles, you can still do this practice - just skip that step.

You can practice Paired Muscle Relaxation for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Gradually, focus on breathing from the belly, taking somewhat deeper and slower breaths. Keep doing this for as long as you would like before going on to the next step.
4. With each breath in, tense a particular group of muscles. With each breath out, relax all of that tension. Pause after each time you relax to feel any changes in sensation. Complete this process with each muscle group twice before moving on to the next step.
   • Hands and wrists: Make fists with both hands and curl your wrists.
   • Arms: Make fists with both hands, curl your wrists, flex your forearms and upper arms, and bend your elbows so that your fists come up to meet your shoulders.
   • Shoulders: Pull both of your shoulders up towards your ears and hunch slightly forward.
   • Face: Scrunch your eyebrows and forehead, squeeze your eyes closed, scrunch your nose, press your lips together, and clench your jaw.
   • Back: Arch your back, bringing your shoulder blades close together.
   • Stomach: Tense muscles in your core and hold them in tightly.
   • Seat: Squeeze buttocks together tightly.
   • Upper legs: Push your legs out and tense your thighs.
   • Lower legs: Push your legs out, point your toes down, and curl your toes.
5. Let your breath come back to a normal pace. Notice if there is any part of your body that still feels tense. Tense and release those muscles using your breath. If you don’t feel any tension, pay attention to how that feels. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Mindful Movement

Mindfulness does not always mean sitting still. We can be mindful while doing just about anything - as long as we are paying attention to what is happening right now, without judgment. 

We can be mindful of our bodies in action, while doing any of the following:

• Yoga
• Playing a sport
• Walking
• Hiking
• Running
• Dancing
• Stretching

It can be grounding to focus on the world around us. Here are two ways to be mindful of your environment to get you started: Five Senses and Mindful Scavenger Hunt.

Five Senses

Many of our mindfulness practices ask us to focus our attention inwards, but we can also be mindful of the world around us. This can be particularly helpful when we are feeling overwhelmed. When our bodies feel uncomfortable, using our environment to help us feel more stable and grounded can be effective. Practicing mindfulness of the environment can also be a great place to start with mindfulness when we are new to it. 

At any given moment, your brain is processing a huge amount of information. It is sorting through everything that you are thinking, feeling, and sensing from the world around you. It is doing all of this so automatically that we may not even be aware of the things our brain is processing for us. By paying attention to each of our five senses, we are tuning into the massive amount of information our bodies provide for us and taking something that is usually done on “autopilot” and doing it “manually.” 

You can practice Five Senses for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Open your eyes and take a look at the space around you. Choose one thing you can see and focus your attention on just that thing.
   • What color is it?
   • How does the light in the room reflect off of it?
   • What textures can you see?
   • How large is it?
   • Does it have any patterns?
   • Can you notice something about it that you have not seen before?
   • When you have completed this step, close your eyes again or rest them again on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
4. Tune in to what you can hear. Choose one thing you can hear and focus your attention on just that sound.
   • Does the sound come-and-go or is it constant?
   • Is the sound loud or soft?
   • Are there elements to the sound that you had not originally noticed?
5. Become aware of the things you can feel. You might move your hands around until you feel something with texture that you can hold on to or you might just feel where your clothes are touching your skin. Choose one thing you can feel and focus your attention on just that sensation.
   • What textures can you feel?
   • What temperatures can you feel?
   • When you move your finger over the object, what sensations do you notice?
   • Can you notice anything about the object that you didn’t notice before?
6. Turn your attention to what you can smell. Choose one thing you can smell and focus your attention on just that scent.
   • Can you identify the source of the smell?
   • Can you describe the smell without using judgments? For example, “sharp,” “sweet,” “musty,” etc.
   • Does anything surprise you about the scents in your area?
7. Finally, focus on the sensory information in your mouth. If you have food or a drink nearby you might take a bite or a drink of that to focus on. If not, you can notice any flavors in your mouth that might be leftover from something you ate or brushing your teeth previously. Choose one thing you can taste and focus your attention on just that flavor.
   • Can you identify the source of the taste?
   • Can you describe the taste without using judgments? For example, “sour,” “salty,” “tangy,” etc.
   • Does anything surprise you about the flavors you are experiencing?
8. Bring your attention back to your breath. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Options to add to this practice:

• Practice Five Senses outside or with a favorite snack nearby to give yourself more options of things to observe in your environment.
• Instead of observing your whole environment with your five senses, you can pick one object to focus your senses on, one at a time. This might be easier if the item you choose is edible or drinkable.

Mindful Scavenger Hunt

When our minds are on “autopilot” we usually only see the things around us that we expect to see. When we are angry, we only see things that are not as they should be. When we are afraid, we only see things that could be harmful to us. By going on a mindful scavenger hunt, we open ourselves to seeing all of the things around us. We might even tune into some of the more pleasant things around us that we tend to overlook.

You can take as much or as little time to go through this Mindful Scavenger Hunt as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Open your eyes and take a look at the space around you. Identify something in the space around you that goes with each of the prompts below and take a moment to give each object your full attention.
   • Find something near you that is soft.
   • Find something near you that has sharp edges.
   • Find something near you that is heavy.
   • Find something near you that is smaller than your fist.
   • Find something near you that makes noise.
   • Find something near you that came from the outdoors.
   • Find something near you that is purple.
   • Find something near you that is made of metal.
4. Close your eyes and bring your attention back to your breath. Take a few moments to notice any changes in your mood or body since the start of the practice. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Options to add to this practice:

• You can make up your own mindful scavenger hunt to practice with! Some people add items to the list that might bring up positive feelings, such as “Find something near you that is beautiful” or “Find something near you that reminds you of a person you care about.”

Being mindful of the thoughts that are going through your mind takes a lot of practice. These are two exercises to get you started: Leaves on a Stream and Count Your Thoughts.

Leaves on a Stream

Leaves on a Stream is a strategy for practicing mindfulness of our thoughts. We do this by using imagery to help ourselves step back from the thoughts going through our minds. This practice helps us to see what we are thinking about without getting stuck thinking about them on repeat or trying to push them away. 

You can practice Leaves on a Stream for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Imagine that you are sitting on the bank of a stream. Take your time and make this mental image as clear as you can. It might be easier for you to picture a place you have been before or to imagine a place that is totally new.
4. Imagine that there are trees on the banks of the stream. As their leaves fall, they float on the surface of the water, moving downstream until they are out of your sight.
5. Each time a thought enters your mind, try to take that thought and place it on a leaf floating past you. Let it float down the stream and out of sight. Each time a new thought comes into your mind, place it on a new leaf and continue just watching as the thoughts come into your mind and leave again.
6. Bring your attention back to your breath. Let the image of your stream fade away and focus again on the tip of your nose and the movement of your breath in your body. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Options to modify this practice:

• If you would prefer, you can change the imagery to anything that works for you. Some people prefer to picture clouds floating across the sky instead of leaves floating down a stream. Other people prefer to imagine a train passing by them, placing their thoughts on each of the train cars that goes by.

Count Your Thoughts

We can get so used to our thoughts racing through our mind, that we don’t even notice how much we are thinking! Counting our thoughts is a way to build some awareness of how much we are thinking, without getting bogged down in what we are thinking. 

Be gentle with yourself when distractions come into your mind. The purpose of this practice is not to be without thoughts, but to be aware of your thoughts when they arrive. If you are counting thoughts and returning to your breath, you are doing this practice well even if you experience a lot of distractions.

You can practice counting your thoughts for as much or as little time as you like. It may be helpful to set a timer that will let you know when you are ready to complete your practice. If you are new to mindfulness, you might start with practicing for five minutes and build up from there. 

1. Set a timer for your practice.
2. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
3. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
4. If you notice a thought come into your mind that is not about your breath, count the thought (“One,” “Two,” etc.) and refocus on your breath. You might count the following:
   • Thoughts about something that you need to do later
   • Thoughts about something that has happened in the past
   • Judgments about how you are doing with the practice
   • Physical sensations, such as an itch or the temperature
5. When the timer signals the end of the practice, bring your attention back to your breath for one more moment. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Being mindful of our emotions may be one of the most important aspects of mindfulness. Here are two strategies to get you started: Mindfulness of Emotions and Emotions as a Cloud.

Mindfulness of Emotions

Practicing mindfulness of emotion is all about turning our observations inwards and approaching our emotions with curiosity and acceptance. When we avoid our emotions, they often get more intense and cause us to act in ways that are not helpful to us in the long run. By paying attention to our emotions, we increase our understanding of ourselves and gain some control back over our behavior. 

You can practice Mindfulness of Emotions  for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Name the emotion that you are experiencing.
   • Anger? Sadness? Fear? Shame? Joy? Disappointment? Love? Jealousy?
   • Try to be as specific as possible in identifying the feeling that you are having.
   • You may be feeling more than one emotion. Try to focus on one to begin, then you can come back and repeat the following steps with any other feelings that you are having.
4. Accept the emotion. Recognize that this emotion is a part of the normal, human experience. Don’t try to hold on to this feeling or push it away. Simply feel what you are feeling.
5. Be curious about your emotion. Ask yourself some questions to understand more about how this emotion feels to you.
   • How strongly do you feel this emotion?
   • Where do you feel this emotion in your body?
   • How does this emotion change your posture?
   • How does this emotion change your facial expression?
   • Do you notice any feelings of tension in your muscles?
   • Do you notice any heaviness in your body?
   • Do you feel any energy or restlessness?
6. Notice any thoughts that you are having about your emotion.
   • If you notice that you are trying to figure out why you are feeling this emotion, just refocus on what that emotion feels like.
   • If you catch yourself judging yourself for feeling this way, just refocus on what that emotion feels like or refocus on your breath for a moment.
7. Be aware of changes during the practice. As you pay attention to your emotions and your body, you may notice that one or both changes, even without you trying to change it. Pay attention to those natural movements.
8. Bring your attention back to your breath. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Options to add to this practice:

• This practice will help us to tune into the emotions that we are already feeling. If we want to practice mindfulness of a specific emotion, we can adjust this practice slightly. After focusing on our breath, we can think of a memory of a time when we felt that certain emotion very strongly. Then we practice mindfulness of how that emotion shows up in the present. The purpose here is not to just think about the memory, but to use that memory to influence our emotions in the present, then to be mindful of how that feels right now.

Emotions as a Cloud

Sometimes our emotions are hard to identify. Imagining them outside of ourselves can help us to recognize them inside of ourselves. Using our imaginations and visualizing our emotions can help them to feel more real. Imagining our emotions as a cloud is one of many ways to do that. 

This practice begins with being mindful of what we are feeling right now. It also asks you to imagine how you might like to feel. Without judging our emotions in the present, this practice can help us to move our emotions in a new direction. 

You can practice visualizing your emotions for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Consider the emotions that you are feeling right now. You may name them or you may just focus on how they feel in your body. Take your time to identify a color that represents the emotions that you are feeling right now. Imagine that there is a cloud that is this color resting in your lungs.
4. Consider the emotions that you would like to feel right now. They might be the same as the emotions you are already feeling or they may be different. Take your time to identify a color that represents the emotions you would like to feel. Imagine that there is a cloud that is this color surrounding you.
5. Bring your attention back to your breath and pay attention to how your breath moves the clouds that you have created. 
   • Each time you breathe out, imagine pushing that cloud that rests in your lungs outside of your body.
   • Each time you breathe in, imagine bringing that cloud that surrounds you into your body.
   • The colors may swirl and mix, creating a new color.
   • Over time, the cloud that started within you can dissipate into the room around you and the cloud that used to surround you, now fills your lungs as well.
6. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

We can practice mindfulness in our relationships in many different ways, here are two to start with: Loving-Kindness and Mindfulness of Others.

Loving-Kindness

Feeling connected with others seems like it is about having a big circle of close friendships and family relationships. But sometimes we feel totally alone even when we are surrounded by others who care about us. Other times we feel totally content all by ourselves. How connected we feel actually has a lot more to do with our mindset than our relationships. 

Practicing Loving-Kindness is about increasing how close we feel to others (and ourselves!), whether we have a lot of close relationships or not. 

You can practice Loving-Kindness for as much or as little time as you like. Going through the steps outlined below might take you about 5 minutes, depending on how long you spend going through each step. 

1. Get into your mindful position: Sit or lay down with your eyes closed or resting on something in the room that will not be too distracting.
2. Focus on the tip of your nose and each time you breathe in, follow your breath as it goes in through your nose, down into your lungs and back out again.
3. Bring into your mind a person that you know well, such as a friend or family member. Picture them as clearly as you can in your mind. Repeat the following words, slowly and clearly, towards this person: “May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be well.”
4. Turn your attention to someone that you don’t know very well but see occasionally, such as a coworker in a different department or your mail carrier. Picture them as clearly as you can in your mind. Repeat the following words, slowly and clearly, towards this person: “May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be well.”
5. Expand your awareness to think about every single person in the world. Whether you know them or not. Whether you like them or not. Repeat the following words, slowly and clearly, towards the whole world: “May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be well.”
6. Bring your attention back to your breath. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and end the practice.

Options to change this practice:

• You can focus on anyone you like during this practice. You could change the prompts to focus on people you have close relationships with, people who are acquaintances, people you feel some anger or frustration towards, yourself at different points in time (for example, yourself as a child, a teenager, an adult), etc.

Mindfulness of Others

Feeling connected with others also comes from the quality of our interactions with others. Even when we think we are skilled multitaskers, the reality is that we often fall short. Even if we spend time with others, we may still feel disconnected when we are not paying attention to the interactions we have. We may be preparing to speak rather than listening. We may be making assumptions instead of noticing what the other person is showing us. 

Being mindful of others means giving our full attention to the person that we are interacting with.  Noticing subtle changes in their facial expressions or tone of voice. Taking note of adjustments in their posture or movements. Making eye contact. There are no specific steps for practicing mindfulness of others, but we will know we are successful when we are able to direct more of our focus to others and less of our focus on our own inner monologue.